Back to Me.

With all that goes on in the world, it's very easy to get caught up in what everyone is doing and has going on. Easy to lose yourself in the process. My free time today has me thinking about all the days I spent, years ago, just getting to know me. Writing journals and reading books. Just doing me. I am sadly, so far away from that now. I'm way too busy to write a daily journal. I barely make a weekly blog post on here! Think about it, how did you get to know your mate? How have you gotten to know your friends? By talking and spending time, right? So how will you ever really know yourself, if you don't have time for a conversation? I'm not talking the '10 minutes from being admitted' kind of talking to yourself. I mean a conversation for your soul. The kind of writing that leads to answers to questions that will lead to a better you. Life has definitely been on auto-pilot for awhile for me. And while I've recently set out to 'get back to me', I have to be honest with myself - this will not be easy. Back in the 'good old days' I'd stay up till 6 the next morning {on a school day} writing about what ever was bugging me. I'd write until I found the answer ... and it never failed me. Not once. Always left me feeling grounded and safe, because now I knew that I had an answer and I would be okay. It's different strokes for different folks. Writing is for me. If you feel at peace when you dance, then dance. Or when you're singing, sing. Or when you're painting, paint. Or even when you're crunching numbers, grab a calculator. What ever it is for you ... do it. Because it's much easier to recognize that gift when you continuously cultivate it. It's hella hard once you decide to take a detour, thinking life will lead you back to you. It won't. Letting life lead the way will get you stuck with no gas on the turnpike ... in your hooptie. Trust me, I know these things. Writing has always been what keeps me sane, but life kind of gets in the way. You wake up and you have errands to run, a job to go to, a job to actually do. Then you get home and you have a family to feed, a house to keep, a man to please. You get me? Should I write once everyone is off to sleep long after I should have been in bed myself since I'm the only one getting up at 5 am to start my routine all over again??? That was a trick question, because even though it sounds like the answer should be 'hell to the nah' ... the answer is yes. Because if I don't, then I lose me ... and if I lose me, I'm no good to anyone. You see how it works? If you don't do what makes you essentially happy, you will lose yourself. And once you wake up and realize you're lost, you'll be on one hell of a search and find mission because you won't feel right until you're back home. Back safe. I need to get back to me.

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