Is it You???

When things go bad in any type of relationship - whether its family, love, friends or career wise - it's always easy to blame the other party for the fall out. Seldom do we look at ourselves to see that maybe {just maybe} we did something or allowed something to go on that lead to the disagreement. Here are a few tips that might help you and your relationship get beyond the drama or at least get you past it ...

• If your life is consistently on high drama ... it may be you. Drama can be addictive and I, myself am guilty of subconsciously falling into common traps of it. Once I realized this, I started making a conscience effort to avoid drama-filled situations and people ... and what do you know ... less drama.
• If you never ever feel the need to apologize because you are never wrong ... it may be you. Everyone has their days, no one is perfect and most disagreements are easily squashed with a simple "I apologize for ..." If you feel that you are never in the wrong, chances are: You are the problem. Sometimes you may only need to apologize for your reaction to some one else's imperfection. Whatever the case is, life is simpler when you apologize and let it go.
• If you find yourself holding on to old grudges ... it's definitely You! He who angers you, controls you {Author unknown}. Don't allow the past to hinder your present life situation. There is absolutely no need for it. This does not mean to forget and not learn from the experience, it only means to forgive and move on. Take the lesson with you, but leave the ill feelings where they are because they only make you feel worse.
• If you just don't feel the love ... it may be you. Relationships should always be 50/50, but not necessarily in the same way. I may be the friend that you can call and cry to, but you may not be that friend for me. However, you are the friend that I can call for information on anything when I need it or you may be the friend that I hang out with. Don't expect people to love you the way that you love. They are not you. You're only setting yourself up for failure. Accept people for who they are and you'll see how easy it is to recognize the good in them and if it still isn't easy, then it's time to re-evaluate the relationship.
• If you take and never give or vise versa ... it maybe you. Selfishness is never in season. It's obvious, ugly and only leads to resentment. Now, that doesn't mean give, give, give until you have nothing left. If you're giving your all to someone, they should be filling you up in return. Don't waste your time on one way takers.
• If it's always someone else's fault ... it may be you. You didn't finish school because your parents weren't supportive. You can't be faithful because your mate doesn't keep you satisfied. You didn't make it to work because your friends wanted to hang out late. COW MANURE! You have to take responsibility for yourself and your decisions. Otherwise, shut up and deal with whatever "they" give you.

Just in case you didn't get the message ... it's mostly always YOU. Only you have the power to make you happy. It's no one else's responsibility. If you are unhappy with someone or something, figure out why. If it's worth fixing, fix it. If not, replace it. Harboring ill feelings only pollutes you. Deal with the matter and move on ... life is much simpler that way.

♥Ciara Denise

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